Letting Go of Control
Have you ever wanted to let go of control but you weren’t sure where to start?
Yup, me too. And what I’ve learned recently is that letting go of control is an ongoing practice, not just a one time thing (like everything in the healing world I suppose…). It’s never linear but circular and we will be challenged with it again again as we encounter various life stressors. Whether it’s infertility, pregnancy, birth, postpartum, mothering or any other life stressor, we will be asked to let go of control. And its not easy!!
Recently my son has been experiencing a medical issue and there is a lot that is unknown right now about what is going on with him. I’m noticing a strong impulse to get as much information as possible and as quickly as possible. Tell me you’ve been there too… operating in fight or fight, googling as much information as you can to bring some sense of control into a situation where there is a lot of uncertainty.
I knew that I needed to pause and go internally. But I’ll be honest that’s the last thing that I felt like doing. Why? Because the part of me that wants to be in control does not like to slow down.
When I was finally able to slow down and tune into my body, I noticed that my jaw was very tight which told me I’ve been in a sympathetic (fight or flight) state a lot. I leaned in to say “hello” to my control part. My head wanted to be in a place where I was ready to let go of control but my body was not ready because I hadn’t really felt into the fear yet. This is something I notice a lot with my clients.
Intellectually you may be ready to let go of control but the body is still holding onto fear because it hasn’t been released on a somatic level.
So I paused instead of acting. I focused on being instead of doing. It felt very uncomfortable and my body was not relaxed. I simply breathed into the uncertainty. And which each breath I feel a bit of softening. There is nothing that I need to do right now. I did all of the doing already.
I love the fight or flight reaction that when we get when we are stressed become it mobilizes us for action. And I needed that. I needed it to be known that there was a concern about what was happening with my son. But now I dont need to “do” anymore. I need to just “be”.
At the end of my body scan and breathwork, my body was relaxing and moving spontaneously. A sign that I was moving out of fight or flight. Even after years of working on this my body still feels threatened by uncertainty. So if you are there too, meet yourself from a place of compassion. This is not easy work to do.
When we’re feeling overwhelmed by fear and find it hard to let go, there are a few tools that can help….
Body Scan:
Lie down and put on some music if you would like. Begin to scan through your body and notice places of tension and stress. Take some breath into those places and allowing movement or that sound that wants to be released.
Give up Google:
Notice the urge to have information and answers and notice if there is an impulse to google or to get caught up in the “doing'“. Do the opposite of this impulse and choose instead to pause, take a few breaths and connect with yourself.
Parts Exercise
Separate from the part of you that wants to be in control. Say “hello” to your control part. Let her know that you see her and see if there is anything that she wants to share with you about her fears. You can acknowledge her without letting her run the show.
Self Care:
Keep up with daily practices of self care. Check in if your body is craving movement or stillness and see if you can honour what it needs.
If you’re interested in exploring these ideas in a more guided way, I invite you to book a counselling session (for residents of BC) or womb healing session, or reiki restorative session. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you need support!